April in Alberta can be rather fickle and capricious; one day you’re wearing short sleeves, the next bundled in scarves. Morning snow squalls give way to sunshine and blue skies by mid-afternoon; every day brings new evidence of Springs arrival.
I’ve got lots of new things in the works too, but right now my focus is on the Intuitive Painting RE-treat Day coming up soon. Last week we went for a drive to pick up several easels, paints, inks, and an assortment of brushes and art supplies that a friend asked if I could use. Yes – thank you Michele! I’m really excited to be offering this workshop for the first time…which leads me to the reason for this post.
Recently, someone asked if I’d trained with one or another well-known teacher of intuitive painting, to which I replied, “no.” Would I like to? Of course! Am I familiar with their work? Yes. Have I read their books and studied their techniques? Have they encouraged me to grow in my own art practice? Am I still learning? Yes, Yes, and Yes. Then why do I sometimes get the feeling that the unspoken question is, “So…what makes you qualified to offer a class/workshop in__________??”
I don’t believe I’m being challenged as a workshop facilitator or expressive arts practitioner – I’ve had good training and experience in both. But every so often, my old recording of “You-it-are not enough” is triggered and starts to play.
EARWORM: A song that sticks in your mind, and will not leave no matter how much you try. The best way to get rid of an earworm is to replace it with another.
A song that sticks in your mind can be really, really annoying, but not nearly as annoying as an earworm that plays a sing-song of negative messages. Maybe your ear-worm is different than mine, but the net effect can be the same…in my case, a de-valuing and mistrust of my gifts and abilities. In the past, it could pull me into that vortex of dis-content, thinking that if I just did one more _________ (fill in: workshop, course, training, certificate, degree, etc) I’d finally have/be enough.
The best way to get rid of an earworm is to replace it with another. I do this by coming back to stillness; to writing and quieting my fears and anxiety, and replacing them with light and love. I come back to knowing who I am and where I belong. I change the tune.
Finding Her Here
I am becoming the woman I’ve wanted,
grey at the temples,
soft body, delighted,
cracked up by life
with a laugh that’s known bitter
but, past it, got better,
knows she’s a survivor-
that whatever comes,
she can outlast it.
I am becoming a deep weathered basket.
I am becoming the woman I’ve longed for,
the motherly lover
with arms strong and tender,
the growing daughter
who blushes surprises.
I am becoming full moons
I find her becoming,
this woman I’ve wanted,
who knows she’ll encompass,
who knows she’s sufficient,
knows where she’s going
and travels with passion.
Who remembers she’s precious,
but knows she’s not scarce-
who knows she is plenty,
plenty to share.
~Jayne Relaford Brown
What’s the negative message that your ear worm is playing these days? If it’s telling you that you have to be a ‘real’ or ‘experienced’ artist to participate in the Intuitive Painting RE-treat Day, then I encourage you to come out and play. Trust the process and connect to your own intuitive knowing. Change the tune.